Mas Guapo to Cuccinelli: “We are not witches!”


Charlottesville, VA. -  Local spice firm Mas Guapo Foods responded to rumors that they might soon be served with a Civil Information Disclosure, or CID, from the office of Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli.   Such a CID might seek internal documents and email correspondence relating to the firm’s signature product, Sazon Mas Guapo.  Ken Cuccinelli

In marketing materials, the company makes claims that its proprietary spice blend possesses a quality, or “Zestiliciousness”, that can make the user seem more attractive.  Mr. Cuccinelli contends that the company may be engaged in witchcraft and that state tax credits granted to the firm may have “separation of church and state implications”.  Though no representatives from the Attorney General’s office would comment on a pending filing, sources in Richmond allege that Mr. Cuccinelli refers to the spice blend as “the Devil’s handmaiden” and that images found on the website’s “’Stache Gallery” are homoerotic in nature. 

Mr. Cuccinelli has been in the spotlight since his election in 2008. His office has filed suit against the Federal government challenging the constitutionality of “ObamaCare” healthcare reform and sought to revoke legal protections afforded to the University of Virginia’s gay workers.  Also, the AG filed similar CID’s with the Environmental Science Department of UVa and actively petitioned to cover up the naked breast of Greek Goddess Virtus, whose figure has graced the Virginia State Seal since 1776. 

Say officials from Mas Guapo Foods,  “Our proprietary seasonings are simply so delicious that they make the chef appear more handsome and no supernatural activities are involved in their production. Further, we do not believe that it is appropriate for the state to intrude on our privacy in this way but recognize that [the company] would have an obligation to comply with such a request and we intend to cooperate to the extent required by law.”