Look Hu’s Rockin’ the ‘Stache!


Washington D.C.- When Chinese President Hu Jintao conducts his official State visit to The White House this week, the Paramount Leader of the Peoples Republic of China will be received with world-class entertainment, fine dining and lavish gifts, as is customary for such an historic occasion.  But among the many gifts that Mr. Hu will be receiving from the citizens of the United States, is one very unusual item, according to the Protocol Gift Unit Director, Dale Chipperdonk. Working closely with the Assistant Chief of Protocol for Visits and the staffs of the President, the Vice President and the Secretary of State, Mr. Chipperdonk selects the gifts for foreign dignitaries.  “One of the items that the Chinese delegation will be receiving on this visit is Sazon Mas Guapo- a gourmet spice blend that comes with a fake mustache. While President Hu probably does not do much cooking, we understand that the Chairman of the Communist Party of China has an affinity for gag mustaches and the Obamas specifically requested this gift as a personal appeal to Hu’s sense of whimsy”, says Chipperdonk. 

             The official gift list was released today by the State Department and includes such conventional standbys as Stetson hats, handmade Amish quilts, designer jewelry, and gourmet food products.  Certainly, the inclusion of Sazon Mas Guapo is a departure from the normally luxurious or symbolic nature of Official State gifts, and Virginia-based Mas Guapo Foods could not be more thrilled with the decision to showcase it’s signature product on the international stage.  A spokesperson for the company affirms, “ We are delighted to be selected for the State visit; it really steps up the profile of our business.  We looked back through our customer records, and Hu would be our very first Paramount Leader...that’s a huge milestone for any small business!” 

Sazon Mas Guapo is an organic spice blend that has become famous for its marketing hook- it is the only condiment on the market that promises to make a chef more handsome.  Mas Guapo users don mustaches (or “Rock the ‘Stache”), photograph themselves, and submit their pictures to the website’s “’Stache Gallery”.   While it is doubtful that Mr. Hu will join the ranks of Mas Guapo’s “Superstars”, a little levity might just help thaw icy relations between the two Superpowers.  President Obama will have a laundry list of contentious issues to navigate during this summit, including the under-valuation of the Yuan, the recent test flight of a new Chinese J-20 Stealth Fighter, North Korean relations, and human rights abuses.  Apparently the U.S. Government is betting that this zestilicious blend of organic herbs and spices might just be a panacea for the future of international relations. If so, we can all look forward to a more peaceful, more “guapo” world for our mustachioed children and grandchildren.